Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Two Lines = Pregnant
It happened on a Saturday night...
H and I were listening to Christmas music and baking holiday cookies to give to our apartment building staff. It was an almost sickening picture of domestic bliss, I know.
It was also the day I was supposed to start my period.
A couple of weeks earlier, I had resolved to do one thing: I was going to put the timing of my period completely out of my mind this month. I was going to ignore entirely any signs or non-signs of pregnancy or non-pregnancy. I was going to carry on living my life without taking note of the days and, maybe, come Christmas, by virtue of a Christmas miracle, I would realize my period hadn't come and that I was pregnant.
Of course, none of that happened.
My eagle eyes were on the calendar a week after I ovulated. I started searching for any subtle sign of pregnancy in my body, but this month there were none. Nothing at all. I felt completely normal. In fact, I felt so not pregnant that I probably had a little too much fun at a couple of holiday parties I attended mid-month.
Then I started counting the days. Day 28. No period. Day 29. No period. Day 30. No period. Day 31. Saturday. Though oftentimes early and sometimes late, my period usually began on day 31. It was Saturday, Day 31, and we were baking holiday cookies.
Every time I went to the bathroom that day I feared what I would find as I pulled down my panties. Every time I felt myself discharge (yes, I know, TMI), I raced to the bathroom to check for the arrival of my dreaded monthly visitor.
Then, around 7 or 8 that night, I decided to go to the drug store to buy a pregnancy test. I don't know what made me do it. It was still relatively early to start testing and I certainly didn't feel pregnant. My boobs were pretty sore but I wasn't going to fall for that false alarm again. It had only been a sign of my impending period in the past.
I didn't tell H why I was going to the drug store. Part of me was embarrassed to even tell him I was going to take a test, given that it was only day 31.
I got home, went straight for the bathroom and took it. It was a First Response test and pregnancy was indicated by 2 lines.
Now I'm not one to take a pregnancy test, let it sit for 3 minutes and come back for the results. I stare at it intently, from the second I finish peeing on the stick. As my urine seeped up into the results window, I saw one line appear very quickly. As it kept seeping several millimeters passed the first line, I saw nothing. No second line. It was negative. Disappointment overcame me and I was devastated for a good 5 seconds. And then, there it was. The second line. So far away in space from the first line I thought it's non-existnence was a foregone conclusion. But it appeared. It wasn't even very faint. It was a pretty legitimate second line. Two lines = pregnant. It was the moment I had been waiting for oh so many months.
My hands were shaking as I closed the lid to the toilet and placed the pregnancy test on top of the lid. I emerged from the bathroom and closed the door.
"Babe, I think the toilet is broken. Can you take a look at it?" I said to H. I was shaking all over but trying my best to hide it.
"Honey, I don't understand this helplessness. You are just as capable as I am of fixing the toilet," H replied.
"Just go in there and look at it, okay? Just do it." I urged.
"Okay, but some things you can do for yourself, you know."
"Just go look at the toilet!!"
Begrudgingly H went into the bathroom. He emerged with a beaming smile plastered across his face.