Hey, mid-40-year old asian man who raced me to the only open seat on the 4 train the other day. There's something I meant to say to you. YOU SUCK! Hey, all you other late 20, 30, 40 and 50-year old male bankers, lawyers, advertising execs, sitting comfortably in your starched button down shirts and freshly pressed suits while I walked up and down the 4 train desperately searching for an empty seat, looking each of you in the eye while rubbing my 7-month pregnant belly. There's something I meant to say to you. YOU SUCK! Hey, thirty-something chick in the super cute cream lace dress who saw my panicked expression when I couldn't find an empty seat and got up to give me yours. There's really something I meant to say to you. I LOVE YOU.
Why, oh why, are women the only people on the NYC subway who notice a pregnant woman standing and offer her a seat?
This is my first letter to you. I figure you are old enough now that I can start treating you like a little man. We found out you were a boy last week (April 3 to be exact) at our 20 week anatomy ultrasound appointment. I had a funny feeling you were a boy from the very start of my pregnancy. In fact, daddy and I started calling you a "he" very early on. I suppose that would have been a bit awkward if you had actually turned out to be a "she" but looks like we're in the clear on that one. I was secretly (or perhaps not-so-secretly, given that we were calling you a "he") hoping you were a boy. So you can probably imagine how thrilled I was at our ultrasound appointment when we found out.
Daddy was super excited too. I think at first he was bewildered and in shock. It all of a sudden hit him - he was going to have a son. The initial shock slowly transformed into total elation. He couldn't sleep the night after we found out because he was so excited. He stayed up picturing what our lives will be like with you in them. He's already planning to take you to all sorts of sports games in the future. He's got his mind particularly set on hockey games. I'm not really sure why. He's by no means a hockey fan. In fact, I don't think I've even seen him watch a hockey game in the 9+ years I've know him. But, oddly enough, he's picturing many hockey games in your future. I think it's because we're moving to Chicago and, having grown up in New York and been a loyal Yankees, Knicks and Jets fan all his life, he can't picture himself turning on his home teams to become a Cubs, Bulls or Bears fan. So… the Chicago Blackhawks it will be. (Don't worry, we'll take you to see the Cubbies and the Bulls and the Bears too).
We got to check out your very tiny developing body during the anatomy ultrasound. We could see your little heart beating, your little stomach and other vital organs and your arms and legs and hands and feet. We have a cute profile shot of you up on our fridge. You have the cutest button nose (just like daddy's). You didn't move much during the anatomy scan. In fact, you didn't move at all. The doctor couldn't get a very good look at your heart and we tried everything to get you to change position. I coughed and rolled from one side to the other. I drank a juice hoping the sugar would get you moving. The doc tried shaking my belly. But, nothing. You were just chilling out in my belly, happy exactly where you were. So we had to come back a couple of days later for another ultrasound to check out your heart. I hope you are as chill when you come out as you are in my belly. : )
We don't get to see you again via ultrasound for a while, but you're kicking like crazy these days and I love feeling you moving around inside my belly. Daddy puts his hand on my belly to feel you move too.
Also, daddy puts his head next to my belly every single night to talk to you and to wish you a good night. I hope you can hear him. He loves you very much and is more excited than I've ever seen him about your arrival.
Will he have a good heart? Good, not as it caring and compassion. But good, as is in functional and healthy? He can be an asshole as long as he's a healthy asshole. Of course, I'd rather he be healthy and not as asshole, but I don't want to ask for too much...
These are the things running through my mind this morning as we gear up for our 20 week anatomy ultrasound at the hospital today. It's an in-depth, up-close-and-personal ultrasound of the baby and all of his vital organs and other body parts, to ensure he's developing properly. I'm not even sure the baby is a "he" but that's something else we'll find out today.
It's an exciting slash nerve wracking day. I haven't been one to stress too much about the baby's progress and development, but I'll admit, I'm a little antsy this morning...
Time is flying by. I'm almost 20 weeks pregnant and I'm not even sure how I got here. I've done a pitiful job of chronicling the beginning of my pregnancy. However, these are some lessons I've learned during the past nearly five months: